User Profile

I fucking own. Is there anything else that needs to be said? I built my first suspension bridge, singlehandedly, at age three. I mastered the arts of karate, juditsu, tae kwan doe, and calligraphy before I hit puberty. Men worship me, animals love me, and I control women at whim. I craft fruit smoothies with great delicacy, which are admired by members of many ethnic categories. I'm so slick, I can say "piss ant," and people will swoon over it. I once had a pet flamingo, but it was jealous of my superior grace and poise, and so comitted suicide using nothing but a tuning fork and a wrench. Oh yeah, and I could stand longer on one foot than the dear late Marvin. I am frequently paid for sex. I put on sold out concerts in my back yard every tuesday morning at 7:13 AM, entertaining the multitudes by standing in one place and looking beautiful. I've cured world hunger many times, but nobody has taken notice. My left pinky is deformed, but rather than flawing my appearance, it brings out my eyes, which by the way sparkle like diamonds.

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